There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
