Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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