I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
