i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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