look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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