Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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