you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
