I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
