He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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