Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
