i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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