Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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