Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
