so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
