I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
