Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
