My room smells like vodka and shame
oh god the rape fog is back!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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