I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
