Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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