I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
