garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
