Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
