That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
