please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
