The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
