I'm so fucking centered right now
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
