Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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