He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
