Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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