I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
