She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize