margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
