Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
