I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
