in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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