I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
