You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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