You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
