her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
