I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
