i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
