Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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