so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
