yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
