Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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