He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
