i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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