if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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