it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
