going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
