Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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