first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
and she was petting her beer can
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize