No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
