____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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