I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
