I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
