I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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