Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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