Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
