i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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