if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
did i just pee glitter
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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