Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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