my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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