Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
