She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
