PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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