Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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