Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
