he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize