i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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