Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
