he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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