census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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