Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She's the barista slut.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
