Just cropdusted the office
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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