Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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