I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think people are normalizing furries
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
