You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
