Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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