Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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