What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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