Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
