this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so much tequila, so little girl.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
