We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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